A child needs to feel SAFE to disclose abuse.

A child that does NOT feel safe will not disclose abuse.

At times I think we forget this FACT in our goals to protect and help kids. 

As a specialist child interviewer, I was very aware that the time and process prior to the child's interview was equally, if not more important than the actual interview itself.

- If a child was uncomfortable,
- if they felt pressured,
- if they were unsure,
- if they didn't understand what was happening,
- if they weren't given enough time,
- if they were scared or feeling unsafe (for many reasons),
- if they didn't get along with the interviewer,
they would NOT disclose abuse. 

The process of disclosing abuse is hard enough for adults, let alone our youngest and most vulnerable children. There are just so many factors and variables in the process of sharing which is ultimately a very hard thing to do for anyone.

Children will also struggle to disclose:-
- if they are being groomed,
- if they don't feel safe in their home,
- if they don't have safe people to support them,
- if they are fearful of the repercussions for the family,
- if they are scared to hurt the abuser,
- if they have been threatened by the abuser,
- if they are trying to protect a non-abusing parent or adult,
- if they are trying to protect other children or family members,
- and, if they have already tried to tell someone with negative consequences.

I am sure there are many more reasons for a lack of disclosure which I haven't mentioned, but it is so very heartbreaking when a child who is so very obviously being abused and is suffering, is unable to speak up when Police and services are being engaged to investigate the allegation.

But you can't really blame the kids. There is just so much working against them!

With all of these factors and all of these reasons, it's obvious to me that our kids need to be given more time, more education and more support than they so often get in the investigative and child protection process.

In my opinion, the investigative, child protection and judicial process isn't really set up to help kids! If it was, we would place more value in a child's evidence, the contributing factors as listed above; and the trauma response which often prevents disclosure.

If we really wanted to protect children, we would provide more support to make a child feel safe prior to interview and we would give them more than one opportunity to disclose.

If we really wanted to keep kids safe, we would listen more and talk less and we would spend more time understanding the impacts of abuse.

If we wanted to protect kids, we would invest in better education for our police officers, child protection and support services.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

As parents, we can do our part by being a 'safe' and approachable adult. By having conversations with our children which empower them. We help them by listening to the small stuff, so when something BIG happens, they will feel confident that we will listen and protect them.

It starts with lots of little conversations and discussions about body safety, inappropriate/appropriate behaviours, safe and unsafe feelings and adults and that you will always listen and believe them. 

If we never tell them these things, they won't automatically know or tell us when something happens because that is the nature of child sexual abuse. The predators use their power over children to keep them compliant and quiet.  

Start the conversation today with your kids. Don't be afraid because it's really quiet simple and a lot less scary that we think. If you need help, I have a resource for parents called 'Conversations with Kids' cards to help you start those conversations today! https://www.cape-au.com/conversations-with-kids 

You can also get a copy of my book Operation KidSafe - a detective's guide to child abuse prevention which goes into depth on the topics of child safety, grooming, red flags of predators and other topics like teachable moments and online safety. Grab a copy here: https://www.amazon.com.au/Operation-KidSafe-detectives-guide-prevention/dp/0645026859