When a Child Hurts Another Child at School: What Parents Need to Know, Do, and Say

When a Child Hurts Another Child: What Parents Need to Know, Do, and Say

I recently spoke with a mother who reached out to me because her 5-year-old child had disclosed sexual abuse - not from an adult, but from another 5-year-old child.

Let’s just pause there.

Because this is the part no one warns you about.

No one tells you what to do when the harm doesn't come from a shadowy stranger, but from a peer.

It’s confusing, confronting, and devastating - and it’s happening more and more often.

Here’s what I said to her. And if you're in the same boat, maybe it’s what you need to hear, too.

First - Take Care of Your Child. And Yourself.

Your child is your priority. Not the school. Not the process. Not the opinions of others.

If your child has disclosed any form of harm - they did the bravest thing imaginable. Praise them. Remind them:

• “You are safe now.”

• “You did the right thing telling me.”

• “This is not your fault. Grown-ups are meant to keep kids safe, and that’s my job.”

Give them space to talk, but don’t pressure them to keep retelling the story.

Consider play therapy, talk therapy, or trauma-informed professionals who can support both of you.

And yes - you need support too. This is heavy, and you're not meant to carry it alone.

Second - Understand What Might Be Happening Behind the Scenes

When a child harms another child - especially in a sexual way - it’s rarely about “evil” or “perversion.”

It’s almost always a sign that something has happened to them or that they’ve been exposed to content and experiences far beyond what they can understand.

They may be victims too.

That doesn’t excuse the harm. But it does explain why punishment alone won’t solve the problem.

Third - What You Can Reasonably Ask the School To Do

Sadly, many schools are not equipped to manage these situations well. They often delay, deflect, or deny because they’re scared, under-resourced, or just not trained.

But you can advocate clearly and powerfully:

Here’s what you can ask for:

• That your child be supported by the school psychologist or counsellor.

• That the other child be moved to a different class or supervised setting (without revealing personal info).

• A written plan for how the school will ensure your child’s safety moving forward.

• That the school reports the incident to child protection or police (if they haven’t already).

Be calm, but be firm. Document every conversation. Follow up in writing.

You don’t need to fight - you just need to be clear that your child’s safety is non-negotiable.

Finally - Remember This: Compassion and Protection Can Coexist

You can protect your child fiercely without turning the other child into a monster.

Yes, advocate for consequences.
Yes, demand accountability.

But remember: hurt children often hurt others. And if this little person is acting out in harmful ways, they need intervention - not hatred.

Let’s not raise our children to become bullies in response to harm. Let’s raise them to be strong, safe, and emotionally equipped, even in hard moments like this.

In Summary - What To Do If Your Child Has Been Harmed by Another Child:

1. Believe them. Reassure them.

2. Seek professional support (play therapy, trauma counselling, etc.).

3. Contact the school and advocate:

   • Request safety measures.

   • Ask for class changes if needed.

   • Ensure mandatory reporting has occurred.

4. Don’t fuel blame - focus on solutions.

5. Support yourself. Your wellbeing matters too.

Want Help Starting Body Safety Conversations at Home?

If you’re not sure how to talk to your child about body safety without scaring or overwhelming them, I’ve created a gentle, empowering tool just for you.

My Conversations with Kids Body Safety Cards are designed to help you have calm, age-appropriate conversations that build trust, confidence, and safety—one card at a time.

You don’t need to do it perfectly. You just need to start.

Explore the Conversation with Kids Body Safety Cards [here]. 

Your child deserves to feel safe and you deserve to feel confident in how to protect them.

Kristi x