Setting up your child's new device for safety and success

Setting up your child’s new smartphone or device for success and safety

Whether it’s your child’s first phone or their next device, it is super important that we don’t give our kids a smartphone or device with access to every danger on the internet, without putting up some guardrails and protective systems in place.

Our kids are NOT equipped emotionally nor ready for ALL that the internet will show them and a smartphone or device will give them access, directly to the source.

Ask yourself, what is the purpose of the device for your child? For most parents, it’s to keep connected with their child whilst they aren’t with them ie. Before or after school, when they are at activities, at a friend’s house etc.

I think Peter Parker’s uncle said: ‘With great power, comes great responsibility’ and that’s the same with handing a child a smartphone or device. It shouldn’t be decided lightly nor taken for granted and the responsibilities of that device need to be considered.

Let’s be sure that we are the generation of parents that have the conversations that matter and put as much protection in place to minimise harm and abuse. We love our kids right… the internet and online is a very real HARM that can hurt them. Let’s be sure that our kids know the expectations and responsibilities of having that device and know the consequences of misuse.

There are 5 conversations I believe ALL parents should have with their children before giving them a smartphone. This blog is not about those conversation but please check out my blog on the ‘5 things you should discuss before your child gets a phone’ here: https://www.cape-au.com/blog/5-things-you-should-discuss-before-your-child-gets-a-phone

If you can’t have those 5 conversations with your child, they aren’t ready for a smartphone!

Go get your child a ‘dumb’ phone and be the parent that doesn’t succumb to pressure, because without those discussions they aren’t ready and all you really need the phone for is to keep in touch.

{Gets off my soap box}

So, you’ve had those 5 conversations, you have discussed the expectations, responsibilities and consequences of misusing the phone and you now want to set their phone/device up for success.

Here are the 5 things you should do before you hand it to them:

1. Set up Family Sharing (ios) or Family Link (android) – setting up their device and attaching it to your family account allows you to monitor and control some of those settings without physically having their phone on hand. It stops them from making in-app purchases, downloading apps/games that aren’t appropriate (without permission) and allows you to monitor screen time among other benefits. Family Link seems to have more controls and access than Family Sharing, but both are useful.
2. Set up Screen Time Passcode – set up a passcode via the phone’s internal settings to block them from changing settings once they are in place. Both Apple and Android use a 4-digit numerical code. Don’t make the Screen Time Passcode your phone code or another regularly used pin code as your child will guess it easily.

NOTE: I used to use 4 digit swear words as passcodes. For instance, SHIT would be S = 7, H = 4, I = 4, T = 8. This worked a treat, and my daughter never guessed them.

3. Set up Content & Privacy Restrictions – Both Apple and Android allow you to block and restrict adult content and websites as well as restrict access to purchasing apps/games or downloading new games/apps, restricts ability to change passcodes, restrict access to apps/games recommended for adults. You can also disable any apps or phone features you don’t want your child to access such as web searching (safari/google chrome), Airdrop, FaceTime or Camera. Decide what apps/features are required and appropriate and if it’s not necessary, block the rest. Remember: if it’s just for keeping in touch and doing some basic things, they don’t need all the bells and whistle until they get older.
4. Set up Time Restrictions – Your child DOES NOT need unlimited access to games, apps and social media (if they have it). They need help regulating their usage and getting balance in both their online and offline worlds. Set up time restrictions which enables them adequate time online, but when the time is up it is restricted until the next day. This takes the arguing for them to get off the phone/device and when time is up, it’s up. For older children, discuss the reasons and have a debate as to how long they should have access to the apps/games they want access to.
5.  Add yourself to their FACE ID/Finger ID (with or without telling them) – I know it seems a little underhanded BUT, in my experience, when kids get a little too confident or entitled, they will change passcodes, hide apps/games (if they’ve worked out how to download them without your knowledge) and get sneaky. If you are added as someone has access via FACE ID etc. you won’t need their passcode for access. As a safe and protective parent, regularly conducting checks of your child’s phone to check for bullying, online grooming, sextortion, inappropriate behaviours or content is necessary. Just because they have a phone doesn’t exclude them from being parented or protected and again in my experience those parents who keep their finger on the pulse and regularly check their child’s phone, messages and apps, have a great idea of what is happening and can minimise harm and damage before it happens.

Don’t underestimate the damage that can be done by one smartphone or device!

POLICE INSIGHT: The kids who don’t have supervision and protection from parents and carers, don’t understand the risks involved online and don’t have parents/carers who engage them in conversations about relevant topics are most at risk.

Help your child create a healthy relationship with their device and the online world. Set up good habits, take time offline in nature and doing team sports, have regular screen free days and spend time as a family discussing the pros and cons of the online world. Help them understand and balance in this 24/7 online world and keep open communication to prevent them taking online risks.

Lastly, have firm boundaries around phones/devices in bedrooms and bathrooms. Almost ALL nudes and explicit content taken or shared by a teen or child is from a bedroom or bathroom. Phones should always be charged in a communal area, out of bedrooms to give your kids rest and peace from the constant NEED to be contactable and to reduce the potential harms of being in a private space whist online.

If you want in-depth information about the risks to your children online as well as ways to protect your children, I have an online course for parents/carers called Device Safety 101. You get a full years access to the course for only $37.

This course is EVERYTHING I know about online and device safety and can be accessed or completed in your own home and time. Check out the course here: https://www.cape-au.com/device-safety101

Kristi x