So you think your child is safe in their bedroom and other lies we tell ourselves as parents

There's a comforting lie we love to wrap ourselves in as parents:

"They’re home. They’re in their room. They’re safe."

It’s the lie that lets us exhale after a long day. The lie that soothes the part of us desperate to believe we’ve done enough. But what if that lie is the very thing putting our kids in danger?

Netflix’s recent docu-drama Adolescence hits this exact nerve, especially in Episode 4, where we watch parents wrestle with how their child went from quiet, lonely gamer to someone capable of murder. It’s confronting, raw, and terrifying because it’s not fiction. It’s real. And it’s happening in bedrooms all over the world.

The son, Jamie, wasn't an outsider to his parents. He was just… quiet. He preferred gaming over sports. He didn’t have many friends. And because he stayed inside, because he wasn’t out drinking, partying, or skipping school, they thought he was safe.

He was under their roof. Behind their walls. In his bedroom.

But that bedroom was not a sanctuary. It was a gateway.

The Digital Bedroom – A New Frontline

What’s happening in bedrooms today isn’t just homework and Minecraft. It’s messaging apps, secret browsers, social media DMs, private servers, chat forums, anonymous avatars, encrypted chats…

And it’s where kids are being:

• Groomed by predators.
  
• Exposed to pornography and violent content.
  
• Pulled into hate groups or radicalised.
  
• Harassed, bullied, and emotionally manipulated.
  
• Conditioned to keep secrets from parents.
  

They’re being influenced not by family, but by strangers who know exactly how to slip past filters, firewalls, and parental good intentions.

This isn’t fear-mongering. It’s the uncomfortable, gut-wrenching truth.

And it’s time we faced it.

The Real Lie We Tell Ourselves

“But my child would tell me if something was wrong.”

Would they? Or are they afraid of your reaction? Embarrassed? Confused? Or have they been taught (by others online) that you wouldn’t understand?

“But we talk about everything.”

Great. But have you talked about grooming? Porn? Covert manipulation? Or how a stranger might use compliments, gifts, or shared secrets to build trust?

“But they’re smart. They know better.”

Even adults get tricked. Intelligence doesn’t equal immunity.

We have to stop assuming our kids are ‘fine’ because they’re inside and quiet. Silence is not safety. It can be a scream we’re not hearing.

What Parents Can Do

You’re not powerless. And your child isn’t doomed. But you do need to take action - proactive, protective, ongoing action.

Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Make Online Conversations Normal
   Talk about digital life like you talk about school or sport. Casual, regular, and open.
2. Ask Real Questions
   Not “What did you do online today?” but:

• “Did anyone make you feel uncomfortable?”
  
• “What’s something weird you’ve seen or heard online lately?”
  

3. Teach Them How Grooming Works
   Explain how someone might pretend to be a friend. Break down the tactics. Make them impossible to miss.
4. Set Up Tech Boundaries
   Use filters and parental controls, yes—but also have tech-free times, open device zones, and shared screen moments.
5. Build Safety Into the Relationship
   Let them know: “You can tell me anything, and I won’t freak out. I’ll help you figure it out. Always.”
6. Know the Signs of Online Harm
   Sudden mood swings, secrecy, fear of devices being taken away, or new ‘friends’ they won’t talk about - these are all red flags.
7. Supervise Device Usage with Intentionality

• Devices should be used in shared spaces whenever possible - not behind closed doors.
  
• Set clear rules around no devices in bedrooms or bathrooms unsupervised.
  
• Be especially mindful during after-school hours and late nights when curiosity peaks.
  

8. No Overnight Charging in Bedrooms

• Create a central family charging station outside the bedrooms.
  
• This not only protects sleep and mental health, but limits late-night access to risky content.
  

9. Create a Family Tech Agreement

• Involve your child in the conversation.
  
• Set boundaries with them, not just for them.
  
• Reinforce that these rules exist to keep them safe, not to control them.

Final Truth?

Their bedroom should be a place of peace - not a digital battlefield. And you are their best defence.

So no more lies, no more blind spots. Just truth, action, and unwavering protection.

Because they are worth it. Because you are strong enough to face the hard stuff. And because safety doesn’t happen by accident - it happens on purpose. 

Kristi x 

Struggling to start the conversations or not sure what to say? Check out my Conversations with Kids Online Safety Guide and Body Safety Series for tips on how to have to start the conversation about themes such as private vs public, online grooming, sexting and sextortion, keeping secrets, safe and unsafe touch etc. Check it out here: https://www.cape-au.com/conversations-with-kids-online-safety-guide