So your child saw something explicit online... now what?

It’s the moment every parent dreads. Your child comes to you - or worse, you discover—that they’ve seen something explicit online. Maybe it was pornographic content, a violent video, or something just deeply inappropriate for their age. Your stomach drops. Your heart races. And suddenly, you’re standing at a fork in the road:

Do you panic, shut it down, and hope it never happens again? Or do you breathe, lean in, and turn this into one of the most important conversations of their life?

Here’s how to choose the second path and why it matters.

1. Breathe First, React Later

Before you say anything, take a moment. Your child is already flooded with confusion, embarrassment, or even fear. The last thing they need is your shock or anger. You are their anchor right now.

This is a moment, not a catastrophe.

You can’t undo what they saw. But you can shape what it means to them.

2. Open the Door, Don’t Slam It

Start with curiosity and compassion. The goal is to keep the lines of communication wide open.

Say something like:

• “Thanks for telling me. That must’ve been confusing.”
• “Can you tell me what you saw and how you felt about it?”

Resist the urge to launch into lectures or punishment. Right now, they need to know you are a safe place, not a source of shame.

3. Unpack the Content Together

Depending on what they saw, this step will vary. If it's pornography, explain that it’s designed for adults and adult fantasy - not real life. If it’s violence or graphic content, help them process the emotions it stirred.

Use age-appropriate language. Keep it simple, honest, and direct. If you’re not sure what to say, you can admit that. Honesty builds trust with your child.  

4. Explain Why It’s Not Meant for Kids

This is where you gently guide their understanding. It’s not about moral panic, it’s about developmental readiness.

• “Your brain and body are still learning what’s healthy and safe. This kind of content skips all the important parts like consent, connection, and care.”
• “It can give really confusing ideas about bodies, relationships, and even how we treat people.”

And this part is critical:

“You’re not in trouble. I’m really proud that you told me. This wasn’t your fault.”

5. Reclaim the Moment

This is your power move. Help them rewrite the story of what happened. It doesn’t have to be a secret they carry in shame. It can be a teachable moment, one that makes them stronger and more self-aware.

Offer them better ways to explore questions or curiosity, whether it’s books, safe websites, or open talks with you.

Let them know: “Just because you saw something harmful doesn’t mean it has to harm you or make you feel uncomfortable or scared.”

6. Set Boundaries and Tools for the Future

Now is the time to talk about tech. Not from a place of fear, but from partnership.

• Set up filters and parental controls together.
• Review the apps, games, and sites they use.
• Create a “digital safety pact” where both of you agree to regular check-ins.

And make this clear:

“I’m not spying. I’m parenting. My job is to help you stay safe, not to punish you for being curious. Now we know better we can make sure you don’t accidentally stumble across something like that again”

7. Normalise the Topic

This can’t be a one-time conversation. If you want your child to keep coming to you, you have to show them it’s safe to do so. Normalise these chats. Make them regular. Keep your tone relaxed. Make it okay.

Say:

• “There’s nothing you can’t ask me or talk to me about.”
• “I’d rather talk about the uncomfortable stuff than leave you to figure it out alone.”

This builds trust. This builds resilience. This protects them.

Final Thoughts:

You can’t control every click or every image your child might stumble across. But you can control how they experience it, how they make sense of it, and how much shame or strength they walk away with.

This isn’t just about online safety. It’s about emotional safety. And that’s where the real power lies.

You've got this. 

And your child? They’ve got you.

Kristi x

If you are still not sure what age-appropriate language to use or where to start talking about these vital conversations, check out my Conversations with Kids Online Safety Guide for just $17. This guide has essential conversation starters and ideas on what and how to talk about online safety and explicit content for children aged 6 years and up. https://www.cape-au.com/conversations-with-kids-online-safety-guide